What to write in a first letter to a stranger
Who has never frozen in front of a blank page? You know the scene: you come across a profile, you like it, you decide to take your courage in both hands, and then, disaster, you have no idea what to write.
To write a first letter to a stranger, start with a hello, describe a small moment from your day, say one thing about yourself and ask a simple question. Close by leaving the other person free to reply. That part really matters, and it is how a conversation starts on its own. Sometimes there is no need to make things « complicated ». Faced with this blank-letter syndrome, a simple question about a shared passion (for example) is enough to start a long conversation.
When you know nothing about the person, you still have to find those few lines. You opened a blank page, wrote Hello, and then nothing. You do not know who will read you, or what you might have in common. That is what makes the start intimidating, and also what makes it interesting: everything is still to be discovered.
Here is enough to begin a friendly correspondence, on paper or online, with someone you do not know yet.
A simple plan for your first letter
If the blank page is stopping you, try this order:
- Greet the person: Hello is enough, even if you do not know their name.
- Describe one detail: what you can see, what you are listening to, a small thing that happened to you.
- Say something about yourself: a taste, a habit, or what makes you want to write.
- Ask a question linked to what you have just described.
- End with a quiet invitation, then sign with your first name or your username. It gives your letter a small, personal touch of its own.
The plan is a starting point. You can move the introduction, skip the weather, or open straight away with a story. What matters is giving the other person something to reply to.
Three sample first letters to a stranger
These are made up to help you start. Swap the details for your own: a cold cup of tea, a song, a journey you can actually talk about.
Sample 1: a short letter, to dare to begin
Hello,
I hesitated for a while before writing. I was not quite sure how to talk to someone I do not know, so I am starting with a small question.
Today I came across a song I used to listen to years ago. I still knew almost all the words. Is there a song that takes you straight back to a memory?
Oh, by the way, you can call me Lou.
Looking forward to reading you,
Lou
Sample 2: describing the moment you are writing in
Hello there,
It is nearly midnight here and it is raining. I meant to read, but my book has been open at the same page for twenty minutes. So I felt like writing to someone.
I like these hours when the street goes quiet enough that you notice each sound on its own. Or even the smell of the rain! What is your favourite time of day?
If you feel like it, tell me what that moment looks like where you are.
Maybe see you soon,
Sol
Sample 3: starting from something you love
Hello,
This weekend I tried to cook a dish I ate all the time as a child. The result was some way from the memory, so now I wonder whether I am a bad cook or whether it is simply nostalgia.
I like cooking without always following the recipe, which probably explains a few disasters. Is there a dish that reminds you of a place or a person?
I almost forgot: you can call me Camille. I would like to learn a little about the everyday life of someone who lives somewhere else, through small stories like this one.
Looking forward to reading you,
Camille
How to begin without writing a profile
You can perfectly well begin by introducing yourself. A first name or a username, and one sentence about what brings you here, already make a natural way in. You simply do not need to list your age, your job and all your hobbies. Give the other person time to discover you: this is not a job interview.
« I like music » is a beginning. « I always play the same track while I cook dinner » already gives a scene to picture, and perhaps a question to ask. Because yes, your pen pal might then ask what you are cooking. Which brings us back to the advice at the start: « Close by leaving the other person free to reply ». Give your pen pal something to bounce off.
If you would rather open your letter with the moment you are writing in, look around you: the time, the sounds in the street, what you can see through the window. If your pet did something silly today (yes, let us be honest, we love our animals, but sometimes they do silly things!): anything is an excuse to start a conversation and get to know each other. The person receiving your message will be curious to know what your pet got up to, and will come back with stories of their own. And that is how a long conversation begins.
What questions to ask a new pen pal
A good question is one you would enjoy receiving. Choose one or two, open enough to allow a story, light enough not to ask for a confession.
- What small thing made you smile today?
- Which book, film or piece of music would you like to discover again for the first time?
- What object have you kept for a long time, even though it is worth almost nothing? I have noticed I keep name your object even though it is worth nothing, but I have had it for X years. Have you ever felt attached to an object like that?
- What do you like to do when you have an hour to yourself? I ask because I have to go out in an hour and I have no idea how to kill the time.
- Which place do you love where you live?
You can start by giving your own answer. The exchange then feels more like a conversation than a questionnaire. Do not use them all in the same letter: leave room for the next ones. The point is not to run an interrogation.
How long should a first letter be
About ten lines can be enough. If you need a marker, aim for a hundred words, then read it back: have you told something, and given the other person a thread to pull on? If you take one thing from this article, this is it. So I will say it one last time: GIVE your pen pal something to bounce off.
A very long first letter can suggest that as much will be expected in return. Keep a few stories for later. Aim for what you would like to receive on a tired evening.
How to end without putting on pressure
You can close with « Looking forward to reading you », « Maybe see you soon » or « If you feel like it… », then sign with your first name or your username. One open question is enough; there is no need to ask for a quick reply.
What to leave out of a first exchange
Keep your contact details private and leave the other person the same freedom: your address, phone number, social accounts or a photograph can wait. You can talk about yourself without letting someone find you. Do not forget that you do not know who is really behind a username.
Avoid confessions you would regret sharing with a person you do not know yet. A memory, even a light one, can already say a lot about you.
If you are writing in a language you are learning, you can say so in one sentence. You do not have to open with a paragraph of apologies: it makes for « heavy » reading.
And if nobody replies
No reply says nothing about your letter. The person may be short of time, unsure what to say, or not wish to continue. You can try another correspondence, with other words if you like. Never let a « non-reply » discourage you. See it as having been spared a waste of time, since the person did not want to make the effort to get to know you. They « do not deserve you ».
On our site, Nocturya, your first letter is sent to a person drawn at random among the members available. You write under a username and the letter never appears in any public feed. There are public spaces for that.
To get started, take one of the samples, swap its small detail for your own, and write your first letter on Nocturya.
And above all, do not put yourself under needless pressure: this is not an exam. Enjoy writing, enjoy reading. Pleasure matters a great deal in an exchange.
Nocturya
A letter sent to a stranger, somewhere in the world. It crosses the sky like a shooting star and lands in a few minutes.
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