Online pen pal: the dangers to know, and how to avoid them

Writing to a stranger is the whole idea of Nocturya. That doesn't stop you keeping your eyes open: most bad stories begin with the same signs, and they're easy to spot once you know them.

An online pen pal is, most of the time, a lovely story: someone on the other side of the world telling you about their day, and you telling them about yours. Unfortunately, out of a hundred letters or exchanges, there may be one hiding something else. It looks a lot like the others at first. The difference is that people who want something from you almost always follow the same path. Here it is, so you can recognise it from afar.

The dangers that come up most often

The romance scam. Very warm letters, very fast. A story that settles in within a few days, compliments, plans. They will try to make you dream as quickly as possible. Then a problem comes up: a plane ticket, a hospital, a parcel stuck at customs, a deposit. We're not here to lecture you, just, please, don't let feelings get the better of reason. This person doesn't feel the same way about you: they're doing this to dozens of people at the same time!

Moving to another app. From the second letter, you're asked to continue elsewhere, on a messaging app like Telegram, WhatsApp and so on. It's not always a bad sign. But there's no reason to hurry (and we promise, we're not saying that to keep you on Nocturya by force!), and once you're out, you lose what protects you here: the pen name, reporting, blocking. Take your time.

Collecting your information. Kind questions, one per letter: your neighbourhood, your employer, your working hours, your children's first names, a photo of your street. Taken separately, you might think “nothing serious”. Now imagine all that information, memorised by your pen pal, put end to end.

Photos and pressure. This paragraph is mostly for you, ladies. Especially if you're going through a slightly “fragile” time in your life. A request for a photo, then another one comes, a little more “intimate”, let's say. Often it stops there. But we can't deny another scenario: the threat of sending them to your loved ones. It's called sextortion, it happens to careful adults, and it always starts with a request that seemed harmless. So please, take care of yourself.

Minors. If the person tells you, or lets you understand, that they are under eighteen, you stop and you report their profile (whether on Nocturya or elsewhere). Think of them too: you have to “protect” them from strangers.

The signs that should alert you

• Too fast, too intense: “you're the person I've been waiting for” by the third letter. It may sound crazy, put like that. And yet…
• A story that doesn't hold up: the country changes, the job changes, the time of the letters doesn't match the announced time zone. Well, yes, people can change their lives, of course.
• Urgency: you must reply now, decide now, send now. It's a method for putting pressure on someone and not letting them think or step back.
• Secrecy: “don't tell anyone”, “they wouldn't understand”. Especially you, if you're under eighteen.
• Money, in any form: a bank transfer, a gift card, a cryptocurrency, “it's just a loan, I'll pay you back very quickly”.
• Refusing everything that could reassure you, with a good excuse every time, or a postponement. That should alert you!

Example: the letter that should alert you

It's all there: intensity, urgency, secrecy, money. A real letter never asks for all that at once. And it NEVER asks for money.

What you never give away

• Your postal address, even “to send you a card” or “to send you a gift”.
• Your full name with your town, or your workplace.
• Your phone number, at least until you know who you're talking to.
• A photo of your ID, your bank card, your badge.
• A code received by text message, a password, whatever the excuse.
• A photo you wouldn't want to see circulating.

What you can give without fear

Your first name or your pen name. Your country. What you love, what you hate, the colour of the sky this morning, a photo of your cat, the song on repeat. A correspondence should be built on that kind of small detail. The best letters are often the ones a stranger can't use against you.

If things go wrong

You STOP replying. You pay nothing, not even “one last time”. You keep the messages, a screenshot is enough. You report and you block. And you tell someone you trust, because silence is exactly what the other person is hoping for. In France, you can also report it on the Ministry of the Interior's website, masecurite.interieur.gouv.fr. There's no shame in having been fooled: these people do this all day long, you don't.

What Nocturya does on its side

Nocturya is for people aged eighteen and over. You write under a pen name, your star card shows only what you choose to put on it, and your letters stay between you and the person who receives them. Nothing is public. Nobody can pick you out of a catalogue of profiles: your star flies to someone who signed up on the site. You can report a letter, a message or a profile, and block a person (without them being told).

Writing to strangers is still one of the most beautiful ways to travel without moving. Just keep this reflex: what you write to someone you don't know, you could read it posted on a wall without blushing. The rest will come naturally, with time and trust.